Because Faith is Real.

It is comforting to know that sorrow stays only for the night and then it takes it's leave in the morning. And a thunderstorm is very brief compared to a long summer day.

Never send.

No good truth would come if this was handed to someone.
So here is the letter I want to officially write but never will as follows=
"Hi. Can you please be honest. I see that it's hard for you. Maybe if you started with being honest with yourself you'll find how free it is. Let go.
The worst part is that you don't realize the reality of this. You want to be this person, this way but you aren't. At least not yet. So in the meantime, make it a little easier on everyone if you could be honest with yourself. "

There. Done. G'night.

but i do

.I.wish.I.didn't.care.

somuch

It's easy to forget how sad I am about something until it's talked about.
I was reminded of that tonight.
The time spent on earth will be broken time and I wish I could say that things didn't bring me down. I wish that I could say I grasped the fullness of eternity and how small today is. How small life is.
At the end of the day I'm happy about where I am, in a personal way.
I can say that right now, age 26, I am only able to enjoy life more and more as the days start and end. I learn more each day and not that I haven't been learning every day of my life, but now the awareness and desire is present and active. My philosophy of life is worked through and sorted out more and more with each day. My awareness of who I am and where I want to go, in any manner, is only becoming more visible. The "innocence" of the world becomes less and less the goggles I look through and is slowing melting away. Not to say everything is bad - I just notice it more then I did. To enjoy the small things in life and find ways to bring joy is a gift.
So life continues and sometimes it just seems like too much happens in one day.

I was out of character today. I quit my job today. Didn't give notice. Wrote a professional letter giving reason.
I feel like a new woman even though that wasn't my usual method to uphold integrity.
G'night.

I think I'm safer on a jetplane
Then a world without love.
......................................

Well the foot I broke 3 years ago has been acting up. Bummed. It's swollen and mad but I've been icing it like crazy and hoping it calms down soon. I ran barefoot on the beach and I that was when I ran wrong or something :/ .

I bought another can of SprayPaint yesterday. I now own 6 colors. I couldn't smile bigger. I finished a piece of art today and tomorrow will be done with another.

This weekend I went job hunting. I don't like job hunting. But I like it more then my current job. Thinking about going to work tomorrow is lame but at the same time I want to keep a good attitude because I don't know how long I have to stay here.

It has been cold here in Santa Barbara! Today it poured. The difference in rain from here to Seattle is not only how much. It pours here when it rains and in Seattle it rains softly or sprinkles for days.

God... Have you fallen asleep..

The memory of losing you
You're like a ghost


I wish you were listening
To get through it.

We Are All Forgotten...

Is there anyone left who will understand
I'm made of flesh and bone
....
Have I lost my faith in you?
Have we all forgotten too?
Don't you break my heart again
...............................................................................................

I haven't written lately. Just haven't really taken the time I guess. I feel like my last post was pretty sufficient for how I've felt for a while.
Right now I am drinking what me and my brother call Crack Tea. All it is is Jasmine Green tea but the buzz is high. And I'm sitting in bed and I have the book I'm reading next to me, which has been quite a lovely book so far.
I told my boss I wasn't working today =D
I'm publicly admitting that I HATE MY JOB. I know.. Lane. I just changed jobs too sothat just sucks. But I was hired as a nanny and I'm far from a nanny. Not only am I the dirt my boss walks on but I'm also their maid. I do ALL of their dishes, laundry and cleaning. She even writes lists of closets she wants me to organize. Oh and did I mention she doesn't want to be a mom but wants the social status of a perfect family. So my question is: why does having kids make you the perfect family?
So she has a nanny so she can BS all day. That would consist of playing on the Internet, shopping, going out to eat and coffee, going to the gym. Seriously what can you do 40 hours a week that doesn't involve working towards anything?
Ok ok my rant is done. And yes there are good things in my life.
I saw my brother for thanksgiving and that was fabulous. And art is the heartbeat of my soul. I applied at tattoo shops! That's kind of big news for me... It's quite intimidating. But I figured I might as well get myself out there considering I love it and am good at it.
Well my book is taunting me..