Rejection

I can't decide whether I want this day to end or if I feel like there just aren't enough hours in today.
This morning was the first morning I woke up and actually said out loud that 'the last place I want to go to today is work'.
I mean.. I love my job. But being drained takes out that part of life.. loving things.
Or having the energy to do so.
Well I went and it went pretty fast and now its over. Then I came home and went on a 2.5 mile jog. I've been doing that 2-3x a week along with some Jillian Michael's workouts (which I love).
No matter how sad I am or how much I deep down really don't want to do anything or really lack a care to do anything, I won't ever let myself just sleep days away and become a lazy couch potato. It just isn't in my genes. SO that I guess I am thankful for.
I do want things to change very much so but I have no control. I want to not worry so much. I really just want to sit back and be in the moment.
Something along the way this past year has damaged that in me. I haven't given up although I want to, and there are times where I partially do give up.
Like for instance, I haven't even tried to extend the energy to paint since april and the only reason I painted then was because I had to paint at an art show.
I want to but whatever is in me doesn't want to. Does that make sense?
Thats partially why I feel like there's not enough hours in the day. If I started to paint now after not painting for so long I would probably need a lot more time then 3 hours. And it's already 7:30pm.

I think that rejection is the hardest thing for a person to deal with. It brings up a plethra of issues and manifests in crappy ways. I think it's capable of paralyzing a person for a period of time.
Lately it seems that the people I care the most about have rejected me and given up on me. Mind you I say "seems" because for all I know its not the truth and I'm trying to think good intentions.
I know what I "need" to do but for some lame reason the things we need to do are always the hardest and most painful.
So tonight maybe I'll try to chisel away a little more of the stubbornness that is drowning me.

Tomorrow is a mid-week friday for me. The kids won't be in school wednesday and I am therefore going to take a personal day which I am stoked for.