Change?

I want more then anything for this season of life to end.
I'm over it.
And I feel restless.
My heart is so sick of hurting that it has now turned angry.
This is what happened last August.
I won't repeat how I dealt with it but my first instinct is to do so.

I don't like being mad at all but my stubbornness doesn't want to take action to fix it because the situation and consequences won't change at all.. just me. And honestly, that is quite frustrating and depressing.

This is the point where I want to run.

And the sad thing is that maybe only one person knows as much as this stupid blogspot knows about whats going on with me and the extent of my feelings about it all.
Thats my fault and I know it but the battle to trust is so deeply broken within me that its not even near easy to trust.
It just seems to lead to a road of more brokenness and more people giving up on you.
As I write this I realize how depressing this sounds. Writing is the one place where I can be the most vulnerable and the most transparent.

I wish you would change.