Grace

Well this past weekend was probably one of the best weekends I've had in a while. Much needed.
I left Saturday morning for Long Beach, Washington and did not return until last night wishing I was still there ..
Not only was I surrounded by people I LOVE but they are also crazy energetic, never bored or dull moment, full of fun!
I played lots of pickleball, laid at the beach, played some volleyball, ate food, did the firework thing, had a bonfire, ate smores, and did lots of painting.
The best part were the people I was with.
Even though I was busy and having a constant amount of fun I still had a heavy mind and was working through a lot of stuff.
..as I still continue to do..
I easily become confused and I think its more of a fear of making decisions. I fear regret or deciding the wrong thing. I don't want to be in that position but it was brought to my attention this weekend that is where I am and am moving out of it.
I'm not quite ready to publicly share all the raw details but I know that at times I'm slightly overwhelmed with it all.
I think the overwhelming aspect is that everything I decide plays a huge effect on my future and consequences. I mean, I've always known that but now I really know it.. .. if that makes sense.
This weekend did change a lot of my pain and frustration I've been struggling with towards God about my own consequences which was huge. I hit a state of thankfulness and understanding that I've been trying to reach for a while now. I would pray for thankfulness but I couldn't handle praying things I wasn't completely sincere about.
I am beyond thankful for the people I was surrounded by at the beach this weekend. Really genuinely amazing people, who not only love their families & friends in a real way but love God. Its just so great to be able to join other families and friends and feel like family; especially since mine is quite messy and broken.

There are still things in my life that I am frustrated about, sometimes a little too much, that this weekend didn't really cure.. just gave me a break.
I have hope for healing and what I feel like I should be doing more than anything else is to stay in tune with God's direction. Its so easy to say that I will walk away and be obedient in the next opportunity but the reality is that when that opportunity arises the distraction of it causes me to forget to pray and see what God says about it. So in the times of least distraction I am striving to grow a more solid foundation.
Its hard and the road is long BUT.. I am not walking it alone. Grace...
Oh Grace.. you never left me...

I guess to end this.. would be to say that sometimes faith requires us to just let it go.. . ..