it's not about you.

I'm eating ice cream. I very rarely eat ice cream. I usually go for cookies or dark chocolate but ice cream magically appeared in the freezer =).
Work has been causing an enormous amount of anxiety in me. I can honestly say that I fear some of the students in my class. Not only is this my first experience working with crisis intervention amongst mentally ill children, but I was placed in the largest, most volotile class in the whole school. I've had numerous things thrown at me leaving bruises and such. I've been kicked and hit. And mostly I've been yelled at and cursed at... and a lot of times its things I have never ever thought about saying or thought could be said. I've been beating myself up over my fear and lack of confidence but no matter what I try I have not overcome it so I finally told my boss, who is the greatest boss I could ask for... literally! He was an amazing listener, completely understood, and instantly took action. So after summer quarter I will now be teaching in the elementary class. I will probably continue to teach art in the class I'm in now but a permanent switch is happening. That is 3.5 weeks from now. I feel very relieved.

We can always wish for things to be different, be new, or be changed. And sometimes the grass is greener but with most things, watering the grass you stand on is the best choice.

There are many times I can close my eyes and picture the sunsets I used to watch every evening and remember how precious those dates were with God and that someday I will have those dates again the way they used to be.. so sweet as the sky was painted until the stars lit the sky... and so quiet that my thoughts never overwhelmed me and I always walked away with more.

I wish I had found that here.. . but I've lost it.