this blog has followed me in life for some years now. not sure if anyone reads it but it's not about that for me. its more of a storage of emotions, experience, events... theres always more secrets, more to tell. but this blog holds a lot of my heart. i can honestly say that at this point in life, 28 years old, in the past year i have experienced real love. i always thought i had but my heart desired more than what i thought i had. i would watch others in love and see the connection, the attachment, the desire and know deep down that i hadn't felt that. i wanted that to be my reality so i tried for it within the relationships i held which almost blocked reality. it was horrible now that i look back. but now, at this time in my life the bar has truly been raised and no longer will i put up with anything less than that connection that really is indescribable. i am so much happier alone with moments of loneliness waiting for real love than putting up with empty love. i learn more about patience every day. actually more about everything every day. i'm enjoying getting older... growing into myself, feeling my own skin, finding the real confidence and learning. just learning. being ok with loving freely.. loving deeply.. letting fear go. "Intense love doesn't measure, it just gives." - Momma T.

you and i could paint the sky together as the world goes by we'll go on forever. look into my eyes eyes are the windows to the soul look into my eyes eyes and you'll know there is no surprise cuz love is plain to see. truth is truth you changed me. i didn't tell you. and if there comes a day when it's too late to tell you my heart will break. i want you to know. . . to know the way in which you affected me, changed me, connected to me. i want you to feel the same. if you do you didn't share either. i think i saw it in your eyes. but i also saw the fear of letting go again into someone else's arms that stopped you. i don't blame you. i'll never tie you down. this is the love letter you'll probably never read. the one i said i wouldn't write... but i think i might have inhaled you... you've gotten into my bloodstream. the reality is that my heart is exploding. in such a powerful, beautiful way. true talent is showing itself to me.. flowing and pumping with my blood. freedom from ties and fears. although writing this shows me i'm still full of fear. when it comes to my heart being handed over and put on the line fear enters. this connection is like none i've experienced. there will be no more settling and so far there are none like you so this looks like a long road. i'd rather be alone living my dreams then living subdued and settling because i'm feeling the slightest ounce of loneliness. loneliness seems to be a part of everyone's life and the more i explore loneliness i realize that i am grateful to feel a connection strong enough to another human being that missing them creates an empty ache. timing is so touchy. so tough. so hard to harness.