changed by You.

I act like I've never had a dad and a lot of time I feel like I never did.
Then there are days when I miss him greatly. I think about him every day.. some days more depending on the events.
..I wish I understood why. And I'm torn about the story that follows. I'm not sure if I fully am thankful for the storm that occured after he left. I know it's made me who I am. I know I wouldn't be where I am if it never happened. But I can never say I'm glad it happened.. because I'm far from that feeling or truth inside me.

The memories of losing you .. you're like a ghost..
... I wish you were listening..
... I wish you were listening..
To get through it.. to get through it..

There is so much to mend with my mom. So much to forgive that I don't feel she deserves. I know that is wrong. If God can forgive me for all and all to come and I am far from deserving.. why can I not do the same if I am striving for who He is?
So many walls are up.
I need to start with sincere prayer.. but I'm scared to. Honestly.. I'm scared of what God will ask of me. But at the same time I know it won't be more than I can handle.
I never want it to be too late...

On a lighter note.. tomorrow is my friday and we are taking a field trip to the art museum. Secretly.. I'm probably the most excited about it.
The week after next is art week and today I began planning the projects. I'm excited to be able to hang their creations throughout the halls of school!

I'm doing two tattoos tomorrow.
The weekend is still unplanned but I'm happy its here.

A focus of my heart needs to be more drenched in disciplines I've been lazy about. I can't seem to do what I want but continue to take the lazy way.. pppfftt.

...and I am changed by You.. the more I get to know You..