smile for you now.

I'll smile for you now..
cuz your sad..
and I'm not allowed to be sad.
I'll make a joke for you now..
make you smile..
but I'm not allowed to be sad.
I'll burn for you now..
cuz you're mine..
and you're not allowed to feel nothing.
Careful now..
I may fall apart for you now..
make you cry..
but I'm not allowed to be sad.
-Copeland.

More often than not I wish I had to ability to write as beautifully as songwriters. So many songs make my heart smile.
I entered in three drawings tonight for a t-shirt company that only buys designs from real artists. They buy designs for 1,000$ each. I hope mine moves forward.

I've slept like crap since friday and I'm still surviving. I did pass out nicely in the sun today which helped me feel a lot better. Thanks sun.. for coming out today.. i really lost hope in you this morning.

My job is very much amazing but very much wearing on me and all I can say is that I am so thankful that it has shown me the real path I want to go down. It narrowed the million things that I desire to do. I still want to do those million things but now they will remain hobbies which is great with me!

I won't be at work on friday so I am now doing 2 tattoos and am very excited about it. I really do love skin as a medium.. it's so different and unique from anything else and itself. I just don't like the industry and do not want to continue in it.

My heart is the craziest mixture of sad and happy ; confused and directed. I don't really know what to do. Tonight I gave advice to my lovely friend jen and I said "throw your hands up to God because we tend to take the first opportunity when faith is slipping. His timing is always last minute to us."
Now.. as I process that conversation I see how much that advice needs to turn around and come to me as well.
I like this place I'm in a lot more than I liked this past year. I am so thankful for that.. and it can only get better cuz I won't be here forever.

I've had a lame form of artist's block. It's like a fear block. Scared to dig in and paint. I now itch to paint and tomorrow will hopefully be the day that I do it.. like paint my own stuff.. not all these crazy amounts of murals I've been painting.


... you've gotta believe .. this heart will be for you ...