Mr. Fantastic Pants

I drove way way way too much today. I probably coulda made it to california with the amount I drove. bleh.

I went to an organic/vegan restaurant for dinner tonight. I ordered coffee and asked for honey with my coffee and the girl responded with= "this is a vegan restaurant." She might has well said "sorry your dumb and didn't know that honey is an animal product!" I used to be vegan but I'm not anymore and I definitely was not thinking about a bee being an animal. Coffee was still good though.. and the food.

I've figured out quite a bit. I know that I want to keep teaching. I know that I love working with kids. I know that I love therapy setting for kids. And of course I know that I love art. So with the amount of alone time I've had the past week I've had some time to think about all this. I have decided that I need to get my teaching credentials (sooner then later) and minor in art therapy. With the experience I've had so far teaching mentally and emotionally ill/traumatized kids I know that I love them but I don't want to stay at this type of school. As sad as it is to say. . . I'm just not as tough as I want to be emotionally for it, and it is really hard to have to restrain kids all the time and get beat up on mentally and verbally. So I know that I want to teach in a public school and work with the less fortunate in an art therapy setting. I am extremely excited and relieved to have found this conclusion--- even though it has been through years of trial and error and fear of making decisions. Now the bridge I have to cross is going to the right school without going totally broke and praying for a way (financially) to get through it. I know I can do it but this part always scares me. We'll see. I know that some places are better than others for teaching and I want a good education so I can educate others. Wow.. that sounded so professional of me.

I'm almost done painting 4 walls at school and everyone seems to absolutely love them. My boss even said I can go overtime if needed because they're so great. No overtime for me though, my shoulder can only paint for so long. I'm only painting for a little while tomorrow and then a friend is coming over to give me and brittany massages. I am stoked. Then I'm taking the evening to get some things organized and such.

I feel so indifferent about the upcoming months. Its a weird feeling. Slightly excited, anticipation, fear, slight frustration, a lot of a confusion, and probably some decisions to be made. I fear making decisions. I made so many dumb ones when I was younger that now hesitation rises above solid decisions which tends to be worse.

The one decision that I am really lacking is the decision to be more obedient to God and much more loyal. I've been failing in this area and I know that I can't make any other proper decisions until I can get that in gear. I need to prioritize and I've known that this is needed for a while but I've been in sort of a rut. Its not that I don't desire to grow in this area its just that I put it off and think that I'll make time later and time doesn't ever show up.
Not an excuse.