Oh grace.. you've never left me

I've teetered on the edge of grace and not taking responsibility for other's actions. Well I guess it wouldn't really be grace if I was taking responsibility for others. This applies to handful of people in my life as of now but won't affect me after Friday.
I guess it never needed to affect me. I could've drawn the line with boundaries better but the grace side of me wants to give other's chances.
Now, intead of continuing to complain I need to learn and move forward.
As I am trying to do in every other area.
I went into work this morning at 7:45am to paint and the janitor had locked all of my paints up =/. I couldn't get a hold of anyone until noon and by that time I had ran every errand needed and started to pack my room. So I went to lunch with my mom and sis and then finished packing my whole room!
So I ended up getting a lot done.
Now I am following through with part of my plan which is to watch a movie-- but I'm doing it at home instead of out.
And I have a painting to do.
And I'm off...

Elbownitis.

I officially have Elbownitis (tennis elbow). BOo.. I kinda feel it off and on - usually during sleep but noticed it consistently on friday while painting a mural. So then I tattooed for 8.5 hours on saturday. I also worked out all week including my arms. Then tattooed on Sunday. But that was nice because my friend does body work so she did some deep tissue on my forearm that made me want to cry like a little girl. I then woke up to the feeling of bruised and puffy forearm.
Today I painted for 6.5 hours, then tattooed for an hour. Blah. My elbownitis will probably be here for a while. I 3 more days worth of painting and hopefully I can start healing. If not.. it's left arm!

In other news.. I went skateboarding with my nephew last night and it was a blast. We skated the waterfront which was about 4 miles. Then we went to a little skate park and hung out. Then we bought a box of donuts and watched most of Date Night. I'm trying to get as much time in with my family as possible before I leave. So far I've done good.
I reeeaaaally want to go see a movie but my lack of time is killin me. I'm thinking that I can get a good portion of stuff done today and tomorrow and hopefully see a movie tomorrow night =). That movied would be Scott Pilgrim vs. the World or whatever the title is and I will see it alone if I have to =)
Well there's stuff I want to write about but probably shouldn't post publicly. Maybe later. Plus my freakin forearm is killin me. Good thing I"m done tattooing for a while!

The only thing consistent is change.

As the days lessen before I go the more stress I feel. It's a complicated stress though and the second I get in my car to drive away on Saturday it will dissipate.
I tattooed today for 8 hours straight, 3 different people. I noticed that as I tattoo all I think about is the work that is being produced.
I worked out when I was done and that was when my mind started to race. Everything I have been stressing about surfaced. Once it surfaced I started to process and problem solve.
Part of me is stressed about my Seattle friends (about an hour away). They seem to never drive down to Tacoma and the only time I see them is if I go to them. Not only that but the times we've scheduled to hang in Tacoma they call the day of cancelling. I feel slightly selfish but at the same time I'm really upset about it and have been upset about it. The big deal is that I don't have time this week to drive to them. It has nothing to do with wanting to see them. I just don't think I will because I'm not making the effort. Then I end up feeling guilty. I can't seem to find the root of that in me.... why I would feel guilty for other's stuff?
Secondly I have murals to still paint, tattoos to do, a room to pack, some important errands, and my party to be had. AND people who need me to change my whole schedule and drive forever to see them and if I don't it's my fault.
Sheesh.. I know I sound horrible. And it won't even matter in a week. But it's been buggin me for months now.
I think I'll be ok though and be able to get stuff done. I just have to be wise with my time.
One of my clients cancelled 2x in a row and now I have to tattoo him monday and I really didn't want to tattoo anyone after tomorrow.

I'm so excited to leave but I have started to feel all the shtuff that comes along with change. The feelings to be exact. I'm so sad to leave the people I love here. Today Jared said "Chelsea you just need all of your 'good' friends to move with you." That's how I feel in a lot of ways. My good friends up here are married and kids are coming into the picture, or already have been. I must say it changes things. I really don't have a lot of friends that aren't married up here. I thought about this a lot today. It didn't make me sad or anything it just gave me some insight to some stuff I was dealing with concerning my social life and my life here in general.
This week will go by fast. Not only do I have a ton going on but I also just think I have a lot going on inside that only time can process and heal and figure out.
Time and God is where trust for healing and change can be.

I think I'm safer on a jetway, than a world without love...

Well .. I kinda feel like today just started out wrong, the middle was good, and the end was kinda disappointing.
I had a dentist app first thing this morning to get fillings. They gave me lectures about not coming in often, which is awkward.
Then once he had drilled the inside of my tooth he says "Oh this doesn't look too good." WHAT??!! Who wants to hear that when 2 hands are smashed in your mouth and your tooth's totally drilled?
Then he says I need a root canal. They bring me the estimate of what's covered and what isn't and my portion is $500 dollars worth. Pretty sure I welled up with tears because this was the last thing I was expecting and it will be my 3rd root canal =(.
Then she says "we don't do payments if you have insurance and your tooth is open now.' I had already wanted to complain about their service then when she said that I really just wanted to flip them the bird and peace out.
Instead.. I calmed down and called mom.
I got the root canal .. ugh. And have to go back next week to get the rest done.
The dentist told me that I inherited some funky thing in my teeth that basically doesn't prevent bad stuff.
It was kind of a depressing morning.
Then I went and painted the beginning of a mural and that helped me feel better.
I then tattooed and actually shocked myself with my freehand skills. Always a nice feeling.
I still can't believe I did all that stuff after a root canal. But I'm good. Can't really eat and it does hurt.
The end of the day is now.
I'm upset about stuff that I can't change so I just need to process and let it go. It won't affect me in washington for much longer so I'll be able to put it past me.
And I must say that my teeth are quite upsetting. I still have a lot to do to them and thank God that I have insurance!
The dentist also said "At least they look nice!" bleh.
I had to get a prescription for an antibiotic too and have I mentioned how much I absolutely do not like antibiotics?
Sheesh.. sorry to unload, but I guess that's partially why this thing is so great. I can unload on here instead of on people.
Tomorrow I am painting all day at school, stuff I very much enjoy and a lot of it.
Then I'm going to my favorite restaurant with my mom for dinner.
Then I am going to paint more but at home.

I feel like I have recieved an abundant amount of grace lately, and it's grace in every area of life. I'm never thankful enough.
After the past couple years of trials and mountains I feel stronger in areas I was lacking. I'm thankful for that too even though in the midst of a trial you can't wait to get through. My sister said today that "you can't wait to get through a season." It really got me thinking about how true that is. You can't just wait for them to end because you miss all the angles if you do that. There's a lot more to unfold here but I'll stop there.
I'm just excited for new days, new experiences, new interactions, and the journey God's taking me on.

Life never stops.

I said bye to the kids today. I thought I would cry but I didn't which kinda surprised me. It was a happy ending in a lot of ways.

I have been so busy that I haven't had time to write which isn't like me. I like to have time to write.

Well Saturday night our neihbors house caught on fire. Our direct neighbors. We were watching Dexter (the perfect show for real life events to happen while watching) and we heard some funky noises. At first we thought it was the boys upstairs kicking the walls or falling out of bed so Brittany went up to check and a second later she yelled for us to call 911. So once we new it was a fire we rushed outside and woke up the house full of people. It's a 4-plex so there are 4 doors to knock. They all got out safely and within ten minutes the fire trucks were here. This was at 11:30 pm. It was probably one of the most upsetting things I've witnessed. But kind of beautiful--- not in a sick way. The fire was big and had already blew up 2 cars by the time the trucks got there and was in the house coming up through the roof. There were people everywhere and lots of tears. I shot a short video from our backyard but then had to leave the area. It started to get the electrical wires so we had to hose down the fence, grass and our house hoping it wouldn't catch. It took a while for the trucks to get the fire out, I wanna say it was probably 1 or after. All our friends showed up which was the best part of the night.
We got to bed around 4 and still all got up and went to church the next day.
I must say that I had absolutely no idea everything that comes along with a house burning down. Sunday we spent most of the day with the neighbors helping them and just being around for them.
sad but everyones ok!

I was soooo tired monday from the weekend it had felt like I didn't even have one. I actually can't remember what I did monday aside from sleeping in the sun.
Yesterday was such a long day. We took the school to a park for field day and it was hot. We ran around all day and I didn't leave work until 4. Then went straight to a friend's house to tattoo him, which I did until 9pm. I'm working on a sleeve for him and hoping to get as much as I can done before I leave. I'm tattooing him more tomorrow.
My one complaint about tattoos at this current moment would be= If you cannot handle it do not get one, especially in an area that needs higher pain tolerance. Now this is for people who know what it feels like. =)

My nephews are coming over soon for pizza, hot tub, and a movie. I LOVE spending time with them and am trying to spend as much time with them as I can before I leave.
My time here is running short and the shorter it gets the less time I have. It's kinda crazy how fast its going.

Well I gotta go draw up a tattoo now while I'm waiting...

I have so much on the brain. I think a lot of it is compiling because last week I was so busy. I have lots to do this week also but it's all art again. I lost my brain over the course of the weekend .. details later.
I am going to bed now I just wanted to say that I have too much to say.. too much to think.. and hopefully I will be able to sleep. Sleep is a touchy thing for me.. haven't fully figured out what prevents it for me or what puts me in a coma. Like last night. Sheesh did I sleep. And came home or a nap in the sun.
I just got back from some great live music. Perfect ending to my day. Tomorrow is field day at school, which means our little crazies are let free in the park. I was given the job to paint faces!

until tomorrow... muah!

Hide and Seek

I almost finished one of the art jobs I had today. I am planning to sketch the other one soon. BUT I did go through all of my art and really organized stuff for moving. I also took apart my easels.. I have quite a few of them.
Then my nephews came over and we played an intense game of hide and seek. I haven't played that in years and I had a blast. Then we went outside and played frisbee. Then we watched part of Robin Hood, Men in Tights and had hot cocoa and they went home. My goal is to have them over for bonding time 2-3 times a week until I move. They sure do mean a lot to me.
Then Maija came over and I made dinner and we just hung. It was a great day and there is still day to have =).

I'm excited for the next chapter of life. I must admit that this morning when I was walking to coffee I got that much more excited about moving because I know people are so much more out and about in cali. That was one of the hardest things for me here was how sleepy washington is. I remember going on walks and no one saying hi to me as I walked by. That isn't every neighborhood or all of washington but it was something I noticed right away. It's ok though.. just different.

well.. off to do more stuff.

Good morning America.

Tacoma is such a sleepy town. I just walked down 6th ave (the popular street in tacompton) and went to Beyond the Bridge Cafe, a new place. I didn't see anyone else walking. What's that about? Sleepy washington.. wake up and get outside and be social.

Today will be a good day.
My nephews are coming over to play again, which is probably one of my favorite things. And I will be doing art, my other favorite thing. Could it be better?

In case you are all on the edge of you seat wondering if I ended up having a good night . . . I did!! ;0)
I worked out. Went to an art show where all my friends were, wore heels and red lipstick and it was great.
AND it's friday =). Tomorrow is 'get my life together' day. I actually have two fairly large art jobs to finish. I have more then that but I am giving myself the goal of two tomorrow. I day dream too much so I have to leave time for that in the day. And I really need to catch up on all the sleep I missed this past week, which was a lot.

I told my class I'm moving. I honestly felt tears welling up but I kept it together. One freaked out and threw his binder and got really mad at me. The one I wrote about yesterday actually. He said "but you're the only one who cares when I have a bad day and talks to me about it," with a lot of anger in his tone. It made me sad. One of them thought I was leaving because of how bad of kids they are =(. That made me sad too. The other (the only girl in my class) looked like she could cry and asked me if she would ever see me again. I have bonded well with her. For Hero Day (father's day) she gave me a note that said that I am her hero because I am always nice to her. Man o man will I miss these kids. I know I'll cry wednesday when I say bye to them. When I walked them out to their buses I got lots of hugs.
I also announced to my fellow employees today that I am moving. I didn't realize how much they liked me. It was kinda neat to know that I have made a difference there, since that is my main hope for everyone there.

.. now off to bed..

I'm furious. I'm not going into it. I just knew I would feel better typing the words= I'm extremely angry.
But it will not ruin my night or my life! =D
I am now going to work out to release the stress of being so angry then go to an art show. AND.. I'm going to wear my heels and say screw you to my anger.

thats all.

Just another school day..

A kid in my class (I'll call him Frank for privacy reasons) is one that isn't liked by most of the staff at my school and most kids find him annoying. I took it upon myself to really get to know him because it made me sad that no one ever reached out because he is quite annoying. Today I was working with him in the hall, as I regularly do, and I usually spend a lot of that time talking to him about his life, feelings, ect. So today he was telling me how he doesn't like one of our staff and why and then he looked at me and said "Miss Chelsea, you're the only one who ever listens to me." My heart totally melted because that is why I am there and why I would ever want to be there. He expressed to me how much he hates it when I'm not there. That made me sad because I know all the kids in my class don't like it when I'm gone and most of them are quite attached to me and I'm moving. I'm announcing it to them tomorrow since we already had a party planned. I have a feeling it might be a rough day due to that. =/ But I also know that when we leave something, that spot always gets filled one way or another, life goes on, and I can't solve these kids' problems no matter how much their stories break my heart.
I will probably cry saying bye to them.

We took 2 of our kids to the library today and I hung with 1 of them and we ended up looking at a wedding ring book in the jewelry section for 45 minutes!! Can you believe that? What nerds. It had 500 different rings and they were far from typical which is why I think it sucked us in so much. To make it even greater the student is a boy. =D

The girl in my class every week tells me that I wear too many skirts. I think its funny because she is the farthest from "girl" there is. This week she said "Miss chelsea you only wear pants on fridays, all the rest are skirts. Whats up with that?" And she had a smirk/disgusted face on. Ha ha.. but it is true I wear skirts 4 days a week.

Enough about school. I was tired today. Very tired. I came home and made coffee, that I am currently drinking. I have only had 2 cups of coffee the whole month of august and they have been in the morning. Crazy huh? I thought it would be good of me to keep it as a last resort or treat. I think I'm doing ok. And I can probably blame the headaches I had every day last week on them.

I must rant about something that I feel is a valid reason to be upset. The school I work at is a mental hospital so never are we just teaching. We might as well say that we are babysitting too and my director is very good about letting staff know that prior to hire. I cannot tell you how often I hear staff speaking horribly about students to each other on campus. It is extremely upsetting to me. Secondly I find it very un-tactful (if thats a word) for staff to talk negatively about other people to another staff in front of students. I have been the other end of that numerous times where it's staff complaining about past people to me in front of kids. I wonder if they think the kids aren't listening or are stupid but from my experience kids not only hear everything but they are also far from stupid! Okay.. this is the last rant I have and it's about personal preferences. They suck! Personal preferences such and its only human nature for us all to have them. I took an Intro to Discipleship Training class that went over how much our own personal preferences affect everything in our lives and from that time I tried to make a point to pay more attention to my own. Well staff I work with will harp on the kids because of their own personal preferences. It saddens me because the kids already have too much going on in them that they can't understand so for an adult to come along and say "hey that bugs me personally" in whatever form or fashion really sucks. I see it almost every school day. There have been times where I have taken a student on a walk to process that stuff out because they think they did something wrong when they didn't. I just feel like some staff want the kids to be puppets and they never will be.
ugh. there's my rant. excuse me if I offend anyone.

Well I must be off now to finalize the yearbook and play some volleyball!

Henry.

My nephew has a dwarf hamspter that has lived much longer then expectancy. The darn thing has to be like almost 3 now (they are supposed to live a year). Supposedly it's a girl and Henry (my nephew) has given her 4 different names over the past years. Her newest name is slinky and usually Henry cannot handle how much he loves her and is always smothering her. So the other day he came out of his room with slinky cuddled in the palm of his hand, he held her close to his face and looked in her eyes and said "OOohhh Slinky, I just love you so much you're my little 80's butt rocker!" We asked him where he heard butt rocker and he didn't know.
Today Henry's twin, Jake, was grounded to his room and managed to talk Henry into staying in there with him. So Henry eventually came out dressed as Santa Claus, but Jake had dressed him. He stood in the living room and eventually said "I'm getting paid to do this. A dollar fifty." If you're grounded you might as well make the best of it. The best part is that Jake didn't even have the $1.50 to pay Henry!

If you wanna laugh you just gotta hang with kids. They are ridiculous.

On another note.. I'm super tired. And its a phase of sleeplessness I fall into often. Usually from certain circumstances. Since sunday night I have had a really hard time falling asleep and then waking up too early. I do think it's because from saturday night until last night I did nothing but work. I covered a shift at the mexican restaurant, sunday I worked on the yearbook, monday I taught then did the yearbook for 4hrs, yesterday I taught and did the yearbook for 5 hours. I made no down time for myself. It's not that I didn't want to, I just happened to be on a deadline and the material was handed over late.
I enjoyed the projects but sheesh I was wasted today. Last night I slept about 4 hours but was in bed for 6.
The problem I'm having is that everything I have been stuffing inside to process comes up right when I lay down because it's the first chance I give myself to do so. I don't work well that way.
I feel like I will forever learn about the way I process because it's different with everything.
Tomorrow is a field trip. Have I mentioned I'm not a fan of them? Well... not at our school at least. Maybe if the kids weren't such high maintenance it'd be a different story but leaving the school takes double the amount of energy as it does to stay in the classroom and I already max out in the class.
I love my job. I love those kids. But I am very relieved to soon work in an environment where I won't intentionally be hurt by kids.

Adventure is out there!

Hello faithful blog! You're always here when I need ya =)

Sometimes I wonder if people actually read this thing.... or if I just continue to write in air. Either way it's one of my favorite things to do!
First and foremost I must share that today a student told me I was their assistant. He was interviewing staff for the yearbook and I was taking him around to do so and he kept calling me his assistant and the part that makes it hilarious is that he was completely serious. In his head I was his assistant. ... yes I am still laughing..

I thought it'd be fun to note the bigger things I've done in life. At least big to me.
The first thing that comes to mind is getting an apprentice to be a tattoo artist which I searched out and started at age 19. Crazy! I started this in Seattle. I also worked at Trader Joe's as their artist. Of course I didn't do the norm and go off to school. =/
Then I moved to Long Beach, CA and went to Los Angeles Figurative Art Academy. It was located in Van Nuys, and if you know LA geography it is pretty far north from LB so I had to ride my bike to the train, take one train into Hollywood, hop on another train, then take 2 separate buses. But man it was worth it. And it was only one day a week and that one day was lllooonnggg. I ended up earning one of my classes for free due to my crazy skillz.. ;)
When I was done with Art school I moved up to Simi Valley, CA into a 2 bd apt with 4 other girls. Talk about crammed in! While there I went to Eternity Bible College and became involved in middle school and high school youth group and made some of the best friends I'll ever have. Now this was a great experience..
And all this time I still worked at Trader Joe's as the artist and they continued to let me transfer.
After 8 months of Simi I decided it was time to go live in Santa Cruz to spend time with family, specifically my brother. It had been too long since I had followed in his footsteps. It was a bittersweet time due to some weird circumstances but I do have some of the best memories. The surf is amazing, the people are fun, and art is welcomed. I worked at one of the best tattoo shops to ever step foot in here, LoveDog Tattoo. And being an artist at traders in SC was by far the best store to work at and the most flexible with art. I created many boards of art here!
A while later I moved back to washington for a handful of reasons, one being to help with grandma.
About 6 months later grandma passed away and during those 6 months of taking care of her I looked into schools. Liberty U in Virginia seemed to offer the most financial support for me to go there so I applied. I left August and went for fall semester.
I ran out of money there and came home for the month of December to work with the possibility of going back and I never did. But that sure was a sweet experience in my memory.
Since then I have been in Washington. I worked in a tattoo shop then opened my own business doing so. I painted multiple murals and had many art shows, even winning one that will now take me Las Vegas. I have made amazing new friends and been a good traveler to Seattle every week.
And now I'm off for my next adventure. I must say that I want to plant for a while.. even though I very much enjoy blowing in the wind. But it would be nice to come home to the same place, but continue to travel.
Someday I will own my VW van and be able to travel the way I always hoped to... with my art of course ;).

There you have it! Whether you read this or not it's fun for me to see the things I have done. And this is only part of it and only the beginning..

AND.. I finished the yearbook tonight. Ten hours of work and my very best design quality was poured into it. I became very close and personaly with Adobe.

signing off..

Until I leave..

Well I officially have an amazing amount of stuff to be done before I move. I probably haven't had this much to do in such a short amount of time since I went to school at Eternity Bible College.
And honestly.. it makes me feel very alive and very motivated.
The one downfall is that I'm always inspired to paint when I'm this busy..paint my own stuff =).

So before I leave here is my list (work only)=
-Make the whole yearbook for our school
-Try to get as much tattooing as I can on 4 of my faithful clients and do a few small ones on other great friends
-Finish a charcoal drawing on canvas for Maija from her wedding
-Start and finish a painting my boss is contracting me to do
-Narrow down and finish our school's logo
-paint 5 murals on 5 different walls at school, yep serious.

There it is. My crazy load. Here's the greatest part- IT'S ALL ART!!
Now how much cooler could my life be these next three weeks?
I must say that I really do hope I can continue to do this much art as I transition my life in Santa Barbara. I definitely plan to but I know that plans don't always go the way we hope.

Then there's all the packing and organizing of my life. I'm taking one car load. And I really can't be without my art so we'll see how that goes. Geez..

I gave my boss my letter of resignation today. My last day is September 2nd, my going away party is hopefully September 3rd, and I will hopefully hit the road on September 4th. Man I really know how to pack my schedule. Oh and I'll pack my car September 3rd. Did I mention I start my new job on the 6th? Yep.
I was really hoping that my oldest nephew would be able to drive down with me but we'll see. That's really depending on space and time.

Today I have already worked on the school yearbook for 3.5 hours. I officially have 25 awesome pages done. Just made dinner and now I'm off to work on more pages!!

I'll miss you..

I found a job in Carpenteria today. It's a nanny position for 2 little girls. I think it'll be a great fit. They want me to start September 1st. But I will start on the 6th. I must say that's much much much sooner then I had anticipated. I would've been couch surfing here for the month of september (which would be hard) and dragging out the goodbyes- which always suck.
My sister and nephew just left my house and as I closed the door my heart fell. The reality that I will be leaving my best friend, sister, and mom in less then 3 weeks flooded me with deep sadness. I haven't always been near her but these past years that I have lived in Washington the bond has only grown.
I do want to be in california. I know this in many ways. But that doesn't take away the empty feeling that missing a person brings. I will miss many people but either way I miss. Here or there.
It's time to start a new chapter because this one I've been in the past year has only started to stain and rip the pages.
I'm sure I will struggle with missing people as I always do. I feel like my capacity to feel things on a deeper level is a gift but when it comes to pain and sadness I'm not particularly excited about it.
But I'm very excited. It's almost surreal because of how fast everything fell into place.
as time will always fly..

Hardship is down every path..

It's funny how it's easy for me to get on here and share my insides. I just wouldn't do the same in a crowd but a crowd could be reading this all at once. Hmmm. I don't even know if people take the time to read this. It's not about that anyways.

I did decide this will be the first place that I publicly announce that I will not be living in Washington much longer. My deadline to be gone is the first week of October. I know I've wanted to move for way too long now and the more I push back days, weeks, months.. before I know it another year has gone by. I very strongly know that I don't want another winter here.
I've felt strongly called to leave washington numerous times and I am good at blocking that out due to various different distractions but I don't want to keep ending up in this space of it feeling wrong to still be here.
I love my friends here more then they know.
I love my family here very deeply.
But it's ok to leave.
I'm moving back to california.
I can't explain the peace and excitement I have about doing so.
I've wanted to be closer to my brother for too long now and the time has come.
Many people I have personally told have solitified the fact that I need to move. It's like they saw something I've been supressing or just knew, and in that I felt much relief.
The exact week I move will depend on a job.
I have a phone interview this week -we'll see.
My boss wants to transfer me but there are no locations near where I'm going so he is going to write a recommendation letter for me and support the route I take. That was extremely relieving.
I've been putting a lot of time into finding a job I'll feel right about and also my art.
I want to go down there ready for art.

Since I've made this decision - or stopped being in denial about it - I felt alive again. So excited and motivated it's like I can't sit for a second because there's too much I'm dreaming about right now. I'm so excited to see where this path takes me.
and yes .. i will be sad to leave my loved ones
but this is the right thing.

I'll always... .. ..

"You don't have a family..."
is what was said to me last night.
before i could fully process the implication of what was said tears were falling out of my eyes. No one's ever said that to me. Especially no one who knows my sad, broken, crazy family dynamics.
Yeah they apologized but sometimes sorry doesn't take away what was said.
I'm still upset that was said to me but I am trying to have grace about it. Time will pass and time is good that way.

Today was a better day than that. I finally went into work today (after practically working from home this week and last week wasn't at work at all). I was sitting at the middle table in my classroom talking with the other teacher when the kids started to flood in. I turned around and the excited expression on their faces to see me was absolutely priceless. I recieved hugs left and right. I truly felt loved and realized how much I do care about these kids. The day proceeded with me working with few students putting the yearbook together! All day long. I am also the school's artist so I get all of the "artsy" projects which is great because I always have work and extra work!
At the end of the day my boss asked me for advice about some serious stuff. I must say that made me feel quite special considering I am him employee and I usually go to him for stuff. I'm just thankful to have a boss that respects me so much. My review was tuesday and he told me that I am one of the best employees, he has nothing bad to say about my work, and that the company is more than blessed to have me as an employee.
WoW.
I've never heard that from a company before. Pretty neato.
Well tonight is my nephew's birthday party. He turns 15 tomorrow. Weird. So BBQ tonight and tomorrow we are going on the boat!! Excited!

my hearts in a suitcase.

home again. .. . or ?
not that I don't like the house i live in and definitely not that i don't LOVE my friends and family.. . . but this place i have inhabited over the past few years feels so wrong to call home.
i remember moving to washington. one car load and excited to live with my sis for a season, to help with my grandma, to see friends.. but never to be permanent.
my stay seems to feel too long although i wouldn't know amazing friends dear to my heart such as Bethany or Chloe and that i am forever grateful.
it feels dumb to say that i couldn't make this place home but i now think it's ok.
i remember a year after being here i had two weeks before i was out the door and back to cali and i let stuff get in the way.. stop my travels.. trick my heart.
i was told i was a runner and i believed those words. but as time has come and gone i disagree. you're wrong. i'm not a runner.
i'm adventurous.
i like .. wait .. LOVE new things.
i like the freshness of a new place.
i like meeting people.
sharing life.
i like culture.
i LOVE the beach.
i love sunsets.
i love it when the beach meets cliffs and mountains are closeby.
i like skateboarding on dry land.
i like knowing that it won't rain for the next 5 months.
and be dark all day.

uneasyness hung in my heart like a rock while i sat in the airport last night.
getting on the plane was saddening.. knowing i'd be back where my heart's never settled.. never taken seed.
it felt wrong to come back.
it seemed as though i was leaving home and being forced to go somewhere i never wanted to go.
and yes it was so great to spend the morning with my sister and see the family i live with because i do love these people. a lot.
and to hear my sister express how much she doesn't want to be here hurts because she can't go. she's here.
but i'm going.
leaving on a jetplane don't know when i'll be back again.

I caught this crappy sore throat, headache, earbusting, small fever sickness and hardly did anything monday and tuesday. I stayed home today as well to "recover" plus it's only a half day at school anyways.
So tomorrow is my only day of work this week. Then I leave for cali fri morning.
I am feeling better today-- I actually think my body is sick of laying around. The last time I had something that knocked me to my ass was last summer the last week in july. What's up with these weird summer illness'?
I'm pretty sure the stress of last week at work and the fact that an incident with a kid threw a couple of my ribs out pretty much put me in due time for sick. It was nice to stay home these past days.
I watched Shutter Island. Man o man I could watch Leonardo all day long. Ever since I can remember he's been my favorite. I mean probably before Gilbert Grape. I did like the movie. Everyone who knows me said I wouldn't like it and it's too freaky.. well... you're all wrong. Thank you for your wrong opinion.

It's sunny out already and it's noon. It hasn't been getting sunny this early but it still looks like there is a haze.
I can't even stress how over the weather I am. So over. done with clouds, done with rain. The only time clouds are cool is during the sunset.
I'm just sick of washington weather. It's been too long.

well i'm off to go outside and draw, read, possibly sleep and enjoy the sun.