I am up late on a thursday night and it feels amazing. I really enjoy staying up late. Not only did I finish a rad stencil..but I also taped it down on canvas so it is spray paint ready tomorrow.
I also don't work until 9am tomorrow which feels great already. And I'll probably get off work around 315ish. Thank you friday.
I plan to have a nice jog on the beach tomorrow. I really look forward to that.. it keeps my head in place. I bought new jogging gear (and soccer gear) and I'm slightly excited to wear it. I don't think I've ever really bought gear just for jogging.. it's always been too-old-to-wear in public clothes. Now I'm jogging in style and my new tank top is neon yellow. YaHoo!
I was at work today from 7:30am-3:30pm. I didn't start work until 2:15pm. Not even kidding. And I don't get paid hourly so it's a huge waste of my time.
I have been applying for jobs .. but not just any job because I'd rather stay at this job then change to a job that sucks the same or worse.
I also am processing what is most important to bring up to my boss' that needs to change. I don't want to bog them down with all my irritations; they will always be there and I need to think through which one's are legitimate and worth bringing up.
I do know that they are doing things wrong though.

Anywho.. I have quite the weekend ahead. Jogging and art after work tomorrow.. hopefully something fun in the evening like music =D
Saturday morning market (my fav) along with some soccer. Then beach for some swim, volleyball, frisbee and whatever else.
Sunday morning going to the avocado festival in Carp and evening church. It does seem a little packed to me because I have actual plans I have to somewhat stick to.
I'm not the best with plans. Some are necessary and very needed and I still make them to some extent but overall I am a blow-with-the-wind individual. And very spontaneous. Which I love.
And.. I'm wide awake.. still and it's midnight. Love it.
K I'm off to tackle the job hunt thing for the evening.

My heart beats graffiti.

Dang. Lately I have been ready to sleep around ten. Unless I'm out and about. But it's a good tired.. like one that I've accomplished a lot in a day. Which lately, I have very much so. Running after 2 little girls all day, jogging 4-5 times a week in the sand, playing soccer on weekends.. pretty sure I should expect to be toast. I also feel like a freakin food monster. I'm not eating junk but man have I been hungry because I'm constantly going!
It's all good feelings though.
I haven't been making time for internet because there are so many other things calling my name. Like right now. .. the stencil I've been spending a lot of time on. I'm really into this stenciling spray paint media. The downfall is that it is really a long process if you make your own stencils and why would I not make my own stencils?
Someday I will do graffiti and this is the start. =D extra big smile about that.

I'm going to a show tomorrow and I've been craving to wear heels and I think I will do just that. I feel like you can never wear enough red lipstick or heels but I still have that small insecurity inside that says I'm too overdressed or it doesn't fit or whatever. Bleh.. stupid insecurity.
Tomorrow is thursday. My weeks go by pretty fast (work that is) and then my weekends seem to be pretty good. They haven't gone by too fast so far.
I must say that I see such a HUGE difference in my energy and emotional levels just with work. Don't get me wrong.. I'm looking for a better fit with work but still I don't care if I am tired all day at work and it doesn't stress me out if I stay up too late. When I was teaching in the environment I was, I remember that being a really big issue. Constant amount of stress. Well.. it's gone now!
K off to drink my glass of wine that I poured and bust out this sick stencil!

spiders.

Well my phobia of spiders is changing. There have maybe only been three days here where there hasn't been a spider in the shower and a spiderweb that I walk thru morning or night. They seem to be everywhere that I am.

I've had quite the hilarious moments at Trader Joe's. Last week a worker came up to me as I was checking my list in my phone and said "hey there cell phone girl.. can I help you with anything?" We kinda chatted and I said I was fine and he then said "well.. I'll be around where you can find me so don't hesitate to do so." Then a few minutes later a guy awkwardly spins to face me and says "I just had to follow you because you smell so amazing and I wanted to smell you longer."
Yesterday I went into Trader Joe's and a guy came up to me and said "Your eyes are so striking I could stare into them all night."
Soooo what's up with Trader Joe's?
At least it keeps my life entertaining and definitely something for me to laugh about.

I saw the most amazing bands last night. They completely filled my hole for great live music and feel amazing! They were from Portland; Typhoon and A Ya Bamba (I think I have that right). Sheesh were they good. I was so impressed especially since music is so hard right now and a lot of people make the same stuff.

Frustrations= my job. Well not my job necessarily.. just certain dynamics. I am still processing through how I want to go about addressing it because I know something can change. I also know that work is work.

I haven't felt this healthy in 5 years. I did the math today while I was on my jog. Five years ago I started going to bible college and after a year I sort of went downhill from numerous circumstances. Now.. I feel absolutely wonderful and didn't even realize how poopy I was feeling. I am referring to all aspects here.. emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally.. whatever else there is =D. It's great. I mean there's definitely lame moments and lame days but they end and I started to forget what it felt like to be here in this place, not scared for it to leave. It's only getting better I can feel it. I have only but thanks to lift up to God.
Well.. all for now.. the beach is calling my name.

Well.. haven't been posting. Which I find a good thing because it means I'm having too much fun doing other stuff.
I have.
Oh Santa Barbara is treating me well and I plan to take full use of everything here. Lots of plans for adventure and exploring and fun times.
This past weekend was absolutely ridiculously fun because my brother was in town. I must say that we probably had too much fun Saturday and I finally felt fully recovered this afternoon.

Well.. thats all.. I'm off to do some art.

wonderful

is how I feel all the time lately.
Why hello beautiful Sunday. I haven't appreciated life this much in a long while. Lame that I wasn't as much but yay that I am now. There hasn't been a single second that I have not LOVED being here in Santa Barbara.
I went to Santa Barbara Community Church this morning and so far it seems great. We'll see as I meet more people and actually get a little more involved in something.
I went walking up and down state street today with some tasty Gelato in hopes to work out my sore and broken legs from playing soccer. it was more painful then I thought. I should have just rested today and waited until tomorrow when I am at work and the rascals are running me around.
Ahh mondays. Whether ya like your job or not mondays are a drag. I have to get up fairly early tomorrow but it should be fine. I'm usually fully awake by 9 and after that can usually last.
I need to start being disciplined about painting even if its only for 15 minutes a day. It needs to be done!
and on that note.. I'm going to go do that now =D

Smells like home.

Well.. I have been quite busy and very disconnected from social networks on the internet. It's been nice. I do like the internet and all but at the same time it is absolutely FANTASTIC to be in a social environment again.. meaning Santa Barbara. =D In washington it seemed like there were days when the internet was the most exciting thing going on and that is dumb. I don't want my life to be like that.
I arrived in Santa Barbara monday and worked my first week tues-fri. We'll see how it goes- I won't publicly comment on that yet.
I stayed busy every night of the week so far with or without people and it was absolutely great.
Last night i moved into my room, which I love!! I stayed up late to unpack everything and organize. Organizing always feels like some form of medicine to me. Couldn't tell ya why.
Today I did a little more to my room, played some intense soccer, sketched at a coffee shop, went to a friends.
I must say I feel old. My body that is. I know I'll be fine but I am really feeling the soccer games at this point. I want to ice my whole lower body. My shins are definitely beat up and I learned my lesson about not having proper attire. I haven't really re-visited soccer since I was younger. No reason why but I played for a long time as a kid and loved it.
Well.. this move has been wonderful. I have not second guessed it once. I have not missed my life in washington once. I know that sucks to say but that comment doesn't have anything to do with my loved ones. This feels more then right and I haven't felt this at home for a long time. It's so weird how much I did not realize how uncomfortable washington was. I mean.. I was uncomfortable and didn't want to be there but now that I'm here its a lot clearer to me.
I think a lot of good will come of this and continue to come.
I also have felt very strongly that God was doing some serious work in me preparing for this season. Big plans.
I really do dream big. I love doing everything which can be good and bad because I constantly battle what to do. Day by day.
Tomorrow I hope to not be a zombie and a creaky sore mess and get up for church =).
First day at church here and I will be going alone. Which I'm ok with.
Goodnight.

Oh grace.. you've never left me

I've teetered on the edge of grace and not taking responsibility for other's actions. Well I guess it wouldn't really be grace if I was taking responsibility for others. This applies to handful of people in my life as of now but won't affect me after Friday.
I guess it never needed to affect me. I could've drawn the line with boundaries better but the grace side of me wants to give other's chances.
Now, intead of continuing to complain I need to learn and move forward.
As I am trying to do in every other area.
I went into work this morning at 7:45am to paint and the janitor had locked all of my paints up =/. I couldn't get a hold of anyone until noon and by that time I had ran every errand needed and started to pack my room. So I went to lunch with my mom and sis and then finished packing my whole room!
So I ended up getting a lot done.
Now I am following through with part of my plan which is to watch a movie-- but I'm doing it at home instead of out.
And I have a painting to do.
And I'm off...

Elbownitis.

I officially have Elbownitis (tennis elbow). BOo.. I kinda feel it off and on - usually during sleep but noticed it consistently on friday while painting a mural. So then I tattooed for 8.5 hours on saturday. I also worked out all week including my arms. Then tattooed on Sunday. But that was nice because my friend does body work so she did some deep tissue on my forearm that made me want to cry like a little girl. I then woke up to the feeling of bruised and puffy forearm.
Today I painted for 6.5 hours, then tattooed for an hour. Blah. My elbownitis will probably be here for a while. I 3 more days worth of painting and hopefully I can start healing. If not.. it's left arm!

In other news.. I went skateboarding with my nephew last night and it was a blast. We skated the waterfront which was about 4 miles. Then we went to a little skate park and hung out. Then we bought a box of donuts and watched most of Date Night. I'm trying to get as much time in with my family as possible before I leave. So far I've done good.
I reeeaaaally want to go see a movie but my lack of time is killin me. I'm thinking that I can get a good portion of stuff done today and tomorrow and hopefully see a movie tomorrow night =). That movied would be Scott Pilgrim vs. the World or whatever the title is and I will see it alone if I have to =)
Well there's stuff I want to write about but probably shouldn't post publicly. Maybe later. Plus my freakin forearm is killin me. Good thing I"m done tattooing for a while!

The only thing consistent is change.

As the days lessen before I go the more stress I feel. It's a complicated stress though and the second I get in my car to drive away on Saturday it will dissipate.
I tattooed today for 8 hours straight, 3 different people. I noticed that as I tattoo all I think about is the work that is being produced.
I worked out when I was done and that was when my mind started to race. Everything I have been stressing about surfaced. Once it surfaced I started to process and problem solve.
Part of me is stressed about my Seattle friends (about an hour away). They seem to never drive down to Tacoma and the only time I see them is if I go to them. Not only that but the times we've scheduled to hang in Tacoma they call the day of cancelling. I feel slightly selfish but at the same time I'm really upset about it and have been upset about it. The big deal is that I don't have time this week to drive to them. It has nothing to do with wanting to see them. I just don't think I will because I'm not making the effort. Then I end up feeling guilty. I can't seem to find the root of that in me.... why I would feel guilty for other's stuff?
Secondly I have murals to still paint, tattoos to do, a room to pack, some important errands, and my party to be had. AND people who need me to change my whole schedule and drive forever to see them and if I don't it's my fault.
Sheesh.. I know I sound horrible. And it won't even matter in a week. But it's been buggin me for months now.
I think I'll be ok though and be able to get stuff done. I just have to be wise with my time.
One of my clients cancelled 2x in a row and now I have to tattoo him monday and I really didn't want to tattoo anyone after tomorrow.

I'm so excited to leave but I have started to feel all the shtuff that comes along with change. The feelings to be exact. I'm so sad to leave the people I love here. Today Jared said "Chelsea you just need all of your 'good' friends to move with you." That's how I feel in a lot of ways. My good friends up here are married and kids are coming into the picture, or already have been. I must say it changes things. I really don't have a lot of friends that aren't married up here. I thought about this a lot today. It didn't make me sad or anything it just gave me some insight to some stuff I was dealing with concerning my social life and my life here in general.
This week will go by fast. Not only do I have a ton going on but I also just think I have a lot going on inside that only time can process and heal and figure out.
Time and God is where trust for healing and change can be.

I think I'm safer on a jetway, than a world without love...

Well .. I kinda feel like today just started out wrong, the middle was good, and the end was kinda disappointing.
I had a dentist app first thing this morning to get fillings. They gave me lectures about not coming in often, which is awkward.
Then once he had drilled the inside of my tooth he says "Oh this doesn't look too good." WHAT??!! Who wants to hear that when 2 hands are smashed in your mouth and your tooth's totally drilled?
Then he says I need a root canal. They bring me the estimate of what's covered and what isn't and my portion is $500 dollars worth. Pretty sure I welled up with tears because this was the last thing I was expecting and it will be my 3rd root canal =(.
Then she says "we don't do payments if you have insurance and your tooth is open now.' I had already wanted to complain about their service then when she said that I really just wanted to flip them the bird and peace out.
Instead.. I calmed down and called mom.
I got the root canal .. ugh. And have to go back next week to get the rest done.
The dentist told me that I inherited some funky thing in my teeth that basically doesn't prevent bad stuff.
It was kind of a depressing morning.
Then I went and painted the beginning of a mural and that helped me feel better.
I then tattooed and actually shocked myself with my freehand skills. Always a nice feeling.
I still can't believe I did all that stuff after a root canal. But I'm good. Can't really eat and it does hurt.
The end of the day is now.
I'm upset about stuff that I can't change so I just need to process and let it go. It won't affect me in washington for much longer so I'll be able to put it past me.
And I must say that my teeth are quite upsetting. I still have a lot to do to them and thank God that I have insurance!
The dentist also said "At least they look nice!" bleh.
I had to get a prescription for an antibiotic too and have I mentioned how much I absolutely do not like antibiotics?
Sheesh.. sorry to unload, but I guess that's partially why this thing is so great. I can unload on here instead of on people.
Tomorrow I am painting all day at school, stuff I very much enjoy and a lot of it.
Then I'm going to my favorite restaurant with my mom for dinner.
Then I am going to paint more but at home.

I feel like I have recieved an abundant amount of grace lately, and it's grace in every area of life. I'm never thankful enough.
After the past couple years of trials and mountains I feel stronger in areas I was lacking. I'm thankful for that too even though in the midst of a trial you can't wait to get through. My sister said today that "you can't wait to get through a season." It really got me thinking about how true that is. You can't just wait for them to end because you miss all the angles if you do that. There's a lot more to unfold here but I'll stop there.
I'm just excited for new days, new experiences, new interactions, and the journey God's taking me on.

Life never stops.

I said bye to the kids today. I thought I would cry but I didn't which kinda surprised me. It was a happy ending in a lot of ways.

I have been so busy that I haven't had time to write which isn't like me. I like to have time to write.

Well Saturday night our neihbors house caught on fire. Our direct neighbors. We were watching Dexter (the perfect show for real life events to happen while watching) and we heard some funky noises. At first we thought it was the boys upstairs kicking the walls or falling out of bed so Brittany went up to check and a second later she yelled for us to call 911. So once we new it was a fire we rushed outside and woke up the house full of people. It's a 4-plex so there are 4 doors to knock. They all got out safely and within ten minutes the fire trucks were here. This was at 11:30 pm. It was probably one of the most upsetting things I've witnessed. But kind of beautiful--- not in a sick way. The fire was big and had already blew up 2 cars by the time the trucks got there and was in the house coming up through the roof. There were people everywhere and lots of tears. I shot a short video from our backyard but then had to leave the area. It started to get the electrical wires so we had to hose down the fence, grass and our house hoping it wouldn't catch. It took a while for the trucks to get the fire out, I wanna say it was probably 1 or after. All our friends showed up which was the best part of the night.
We got to bed around 4 and still all got up and went to church the next day.
I must say that I had absolutely no idea everything that comes along with a house burning down. Sunday we spent most of the day with the neighbors helping them and just being around for them.
sad but everyones ok!

I was soooo tired monday from the weekend it had felt like I didn't even have one. I actually can't remember what I did monday aside from sleeping in the sun.
Yesterday was such a long day. We took the school to a park for field day and it was hot. We ran around all day and I didn't leave work until 4. Then went straight to a friend's house to tattoo him, which I did until 9pm. I'm working on a sleeve for him and hoping to get as much as I can done before I leave. I'm tattooing him more tomorrow.
My one complaint about tattoos at this current moment would be= If you cannot handle it do not get one, especially in an area that needs higher pain tolerance. Now this is for people who know what it feels like. =)

My nephews are coming over soon for pizza, hot tub, and a movie. I LOVE spending time with them and am trying to spend as much time with them as I can before I leave.
My time here is running short and the shorter it gets the less time I have. It's kinda crazy how fast its going.

Well I gotta go draw up a tattoo now while I'm waiting...

I have so much on the brain. I think a lot of it is compiling because last week I was so busy. I have lots to do this week also but it's all art again. I lost my brain over the course of the weekend .. details later.
I am going to bed now I just wanted to say that I have too much to say.. too much to think.. and hopefully I will be able to sleep. Sleep is a touchy thing for me.. haven't fully figured out what prevents it for me or what puts me in a coma. Like last night. Sheesh did I sleep. And came home or a nap in the sun.
I just got back from some great live music. Perfect ending to my day. Tomorrow is field day at school, which means our little crazies are let free in the park. I was given the job to paint faces!

until tomorrow... muah!

Hide and Seek

I almost finished one of the art jobs I had today. I am planning to sketch the other one soon. BUT I did go through all of my art and really organized stuff for moving. I also took apart my easels.. I have quite a few of them.
Then my nephews came over and we played an intense game of hide and seek. I haven't played that in years and I had a blast. Then we went outside and played frisbee. Then we watched part of Robin Hood, Men in Tights and had hot cocoa and they went home. My goal is to have them over for bonding time 2-3 times a week until I move. They sure do mean a lot to me.
Then Maija came over and I made dinner and we just hung. It was a great day and there is still day to have =).

I'm excited for the next chapter of life. I must admit that this morning when I was walking to coffee I got that much more excited about moving because I know people are so much more out and about in cali. That was one of the hardest things for me here was how sleepy washington is. I remember going on walks and no one saying hi to me as I walked by. That isn't every neighborhood or all of washington but it was something I noticed right away. It's ok though.. just different.

well.. off to do more stuff.

Good morning America.

Tacoma is such a sleepy town. I just walked down 6th ave (the popular street in tacompton) and went to Beyond the Bridge Cafe, a new place. I didn't see anyone else walking. What's that about? Sleepy washington.. wake up and get outside and be social.

Today will be a good day.
My nephews are coming over to play again, which is probably one of my favorite things. And I will be doing art, my other favorite thing. Could it be better?

In case you are all on the edge of you seat wondering if I ended up having a good night . . . I did!! ;0)
I worked out. Went to an art show where all my friends were, wore heels and red lipstick and it was great.
AND it's friday =). Tomorrow is 'get my life together' day. I actually have two fairly large art jobs to finish. I have more then that but I am giving myself the goal of two tomorrow. I day dream too much so I have to leave time for that in the day. And I really need to catch up on all the sleep I missed this past week, which was a lot.

I told my class I'm moving. I honestly felt tears welling up but I kept it together. One freaked out and threw his binder and got really mad at me. The one I wrote about yesterday actually. He said "but you're the only one who cares when I have a bad day and talks to me about it," with a lot of anger in his tone. It made me sad. One of them thought I was leaving because of how bad of kids they are =(. That made me sad too. The other (the only girl in my class) looked like she could cry and asked me if she would ever see me again. I have bonded well with her. For Hero Day (father's day) she gave me a note that said that I am her hero because I am always nice to her. Man o man will I miss these kids. I know I'll cry wednesday when I say bye to them. When I walked them out to their buses I got lots of hugs.
I also announced to my fellow employees today that I am moving. I didn't realize how much they liked me. It was kinda neat to know that I have made a difference there, since that is my main hope for everyone there.

.. now off to bed..

I'm furious. I'm not going into it. I just knew I would feel better typing the words= I'm extremely angry.
But it will not ruin my night or my life! =D
I am now going to work out to release the stress of being so angry then go to an art show. AND.. I'm going to wear my heels and say screw you to my anger.

thats all.

Just another school day..

A kid in my class (I'll call him Frank for privacy reasons) is one that isn't liked by most of the staff at my school and most kids find him annoying. I took it upon myself to really get to know him because it made me sad that no one ever reached out because he is quite annoying. Today I was working with him in the hall, as I regularly do, and I usually spend a lot of that time talking to him about his life, feelings, ect. So today he was telling me how he doesn't like one of our staff and why and then he looked at me and said "Miss Chelsea, you're the only one who ever listens to me." My heart totally melted because that is why I am there and why I would ever want to be there. He expressed to me how much he hates it when I'm not there. That made me sad because I know all the kids in my class don't like it when I'm gone and most of them are quite attached to me and I'm moving. I'm announcing it to them tomorrow since we already had a party planned. I have a feeling it might be a rough day due to that. =/ But I also know that when we leave something, that spot always gets filled one way or another, life goes on, and I can't solve these kids' problems no matter how much their stories break my heart.
I will probably cry saying bye to them.

We took 2 of our kids to the library today and I hung with 1 of them and we ended up looking at a wedding ring book in the jewelry section for 45 minutes!! Can you believe that? What nerds. It had 500 different rings and they were far from typical which is why I think it sucked us in so much. To make it even greater the student is a boy. =D

The girl in my class every week tells me that I wear too many skirts. I think its funny because she is the farthest from "girl" there is. This week she said "Miss chelsea you only wear pants on fridays, all the rest are skirts. Whats up with that?" And she had a smirk/disgusted face on. Ha ha.. but it is true I wear skirts 4 days a week.

Enough about school. I was tired today. Very tired. I came home and made coffee, that I am currently drinking. I have only had 2 cups of coffee the whole month of august and they have been in the morning. Crazy huh? I thought it would be good of me to keep it as a last resort or treat. I think I'm doing ok. And I can probably blame the headaches I had every day last week on them.

I must rant about something that I feel is a valid reason to be upset. The school I work at is a mental hospital so never are we just teaching. We might as well say that we are babysitting too and my director is very good about letting staff know that prior to hire. I cannot tell you how often I hear staff speaking horribly about students to each other on campus. It is extremely upsetting to me. Secondly I find it very un-tactful (if thats a word) for staff to talk negatively about other people to another staff in front of students. I have been the other end of that numerous times where it's staff complaining about past people to me in front of kids. I wonder if they think the kids aren't listening or are stupid but from my experience kids not only hear everything but they are also far from stupid! Okay.. this is the last rant I have and it's about personal preferences. They suck! Personal preferences such and its only human nature for us all to have them. I took an Intro to Discipleship Training class that went over how much our own personal preferences affect everything in our lives and from that time I tried to make a point to pay more attention to my own. Well staff I work with will harp on the kids because of their own personal preferences. It saddens me because the kids already have too much going on in them that they can't understand so for an adult to come along and say "hey that bugs me personally" in whatever form or fashion really sucks. I see it almost every school day. There have been times where I have taken a student on a walk to process that stuff out because they think they did something wrong when they didn't. I just feel like some staff want the kids to be puppets and they never will be.
ugh. there's my rant. excuse me if I offend anyone.

Well I must be off now to finalize the yearbook and play some volleyball!

Henry.

My nephew has a dwarf hamspter that has lived much longer then expectancy. The darn thing has to be like almost 3 now (they are supposed to live a year). Supposedly it's a girl and Henry (my nephew) has given her 4 different names over the past years. Her newest name is slinky and usually Henry cannot handle how much he loves her and is always smothering her. So the other day he came out of his room with slinky cuddled in the palm of his hand, he held her close to his face and looked in her eyes and said "OOohhh Slinky, I just love you so much you're my little 80's butt rocker!" We asked him where he heard butt rocker and he didn't know.
Today Henry's twin, Jake, was grounded to his room and managed to talk Henry into staying in there with him. So Henry eventually came out dressed as Santa Claus, but Jake had dressed him. He stood in the living room and eventually said "I'm getting paid to do this. A dollar fifty." If you're grounded you might as well make the best of it. The best part is that Jake didn't even have the $1.50 to pay Henry!

If you wanna laugh you just gotta hang with kids. They are ridiculous.

On another note.. I'm super tired. And its a phase of sleeplessness I fall into often. Usually from certain circumstances. Since sunday night I have had a really hard time falling asleep and then waking up too early. I do think it's because from saturday night until last night I did nothing but work. I covered a shift at the mexican restaurant, sunday I worked on the yearbook, monday I taught then did the yearbook for 4hrs, yesterday I taught and did the yearbook for 5 hours. I made no down time for myself. It's not that I didn't want to, I just happened to be on a deadline and the material was handed over late.
I enjoyed the projects but sheesh I was wasted today. Last night I slept about 4 hours but was in bed for 6.
The problem I'm having is that everything I have been stuffing inside to process comes up right when I lay down because it's the first chance I give myself to do so. I don't work well that way.
I feel like I will forever learn about the way I process because it's different with everything.
Tomorrow is a field trip. Have I mentioned I'm not a fan of them? Well... not at our school at least. Maybe if the kids weren't such high maintenance it'd be a different story but leaving the school takes double the amount of energy as it does to stay in the classroom and I already max out in the class.
I love my job. I love those kids. But I am very relieved to soon work in an environment where I won't intentionally be hurt by kids.

Adventure is out there!

Hello faithful blog! You're always here when I need ya =)

Sometimes I wonder if people actually read this thing.... or if I just continue to write in air. Either way it's one of my favorite things to do!
First and foremost I must share that today a student told me I was their assistant. He was interviewing staff for the yearbook and I was taking him around to do so and he kept calling me his assistant and the part that makes it hilarious is that he was completely serious. In his head I was his assistant. ... yes I am still laughing..

I thought it'd be fun to note the bigger things I've done in life. At least big to me.
The first thing that comes to mind is getting an apprentice to be a tattoo artist which I searched out and started at age 19. Crazy! I started this in Seattle. I also worked at Trader Joe's as their artist. Of course I didn't do the norm and go off to school. =/
Then I moved to Long Beach, CA and went to Los Angeles Figurative Art Academy. It was located in Van Nuys, and if you know LA geography it is pretty far north from LB so I had to ride my bike to the train, take one train into Hollywood, hop on another train, then take 2 separate buses. But man it was worth it. And it was only one day a week and that one day was lllooonnggg. I ended up earning one of my classes for free due to my crazy skillz.. ;)
When I was done with Art school I moved up to Simi Valley, CA into a 2 bd apt with 4 other girls. Talk about crammed in! While there I went to Eternity Bible College and became involved in middle school and high school youth group and made some of the best friends I'll ever have. Now this was a great experience..
And all this time I still worked at Trader Joe's as the artist and they continued to let me transfer.
After 8 months of Simi I decided it was time to go live in Santa Cruz to spend time with family, specifically my brother. It had been too long since I had followed in his footsteps. It was a bittersweet time due to some weird circumstances but I do have some of the best memories. The surf is amazing, the people are fun, and art is welcomed. I worked at one of the best tattoo shops to ever step foot in here, LoveDog Tattoo. And being an artist at traders in SC was by far the best store to work at and the most flexible with art. I created many boards of art here!
A while later I moved back to washington for a handful of reasons, one being to help with grandma.
About 6 months later grandma passed away and during those 6 months of taking care of her I looked into schools. Liberty U in Virginia seemed to offer the most financial support for me to go there so I applied. I left August and went for fall semester.
I ran out of money there and came home for the month of December to work with the possibility of going back and I never did. But that sure was a sweet experience in my memory.
Since then I have been in Washington. I worked in a tattoo shop then opened my own business doing so. I painted multiple murals and had many art shows, even winning one that will now take me Las Vegas. I have made amazing new friends and been a good traveler to Seattle every week.
And now I'm off for my next adventure. I must say that I want to plant for a while.. even though I very much enjoy blowing in the wind. But it would be nice to come home to the same place, but continue to travel.
Someday I will own my VW van and be able to travel the way I always hoped to... with my art of course ;).

There you have it! Whether you read this or not it's fun for me to see the things I have done. And this is only part of it and only the beginning..

AND.. I finished the yearbook tonight. Ten hours of work and my very best design quality was poured into it. I became very close and personaly with Adobe.

signing off..

Until I leave..

Well I officially have an amazing amount of stuff to be done before I move. I probably haven't had this much to do in such a short amount of time since I went to school at Eternity Bible College.
And honestly.. it makes me feel very alive and very motivated.
The one downfall is that I'm always inspired to paint when I'm this busy..paint my own stuff =).

So before I leave here is my list (work only)=
-Make the whole yearbook for our school
-Try to get as much tattooing as I can on 4 of my faithful clients and do a few small ones on other great friends
-Finish a charcoal drawing on canvas for Maija from her wedding
-Start and finish a painting my boss is contracting me to do
-Narrow down and finish our school's logo
-paint 5 murals on 5 different walls at school, yep serious.

There it is. My crazy load. Here's the greatest part- IT'S ALL ART!!
Now how much cooler could my life be these next three weeks?
I must say that I really do hope I can continue to do this much art as I transition my life in Santa Barbara. I definitely plan to but I know that plans don't always go the way we hope.

Then there's all the packing and organizing of my life. I'm taking one car load. And I really can't be without my art so we'll see how that goes. Geez..

I gave my boss my letter of resignation today. My last day is September 2nd, my going away party is hopefully September 3rd, and I will hopefully hit the road on September 4th. Man I really know how to pack my schedule. Oh and I'll pack my car September 3rd. Did I mention I start my new job on the 6th? Yep.
I was really hoping that my oldest nephew would be able to drive down with me but we'll see. That's really depending on space and time.

Today I have already worked on the school yearbook for 3.5 hours. I officially have 25 awesome pages done. Just made dinner and now I'm off to work on more pages!!

I'll miss you..

I found a job in Carpenteria today. It's a nanny position for 2 little girls. I think it'll be a great fit. They want me to start September 1st. But I will start on the 6th. I must say that's much much much sooner then I had anticipated. I would've been couch surfing here for the month of september (which would be hard) and dragging out the goodbyes- which always suck.
My sister and nephew just left my house and as I closed the door my heart fell. The reality that I will be leaving my best friend, sister, and mom in less then 3 weeks flooded me with deep sadness. I haven't always been near her but these past years that I have lived in Washington the bond has only grown.
I do want to be in california. I know this in many ways. But that doesn't take away the empty feeling that missing a person brings. I will miss many people but either way I miss. Here or there.
It's time to start a new chapter because this one I've been in the past year has only started to stain and rip the pages.
I'm sure I will struggle with missing people as I always do. I feel like my capacity to feel things on a deeper level is a gift but when it comes to pain and sadness I'm not particularly excited about it.
But I'm very excited. It's almost surreal because of how fast everything fell into place.
as time will always fly..

Hardship is down every path..

It's funny how it's easy for me to get on here and share my insides. I just wouldn't do the same in a crowd but a crowd could be reading this all at once. Hmmm. I don't even know if people take the time to read this. It's not about that anyways.

I did decide this will be the first place that I publicly announce that I will not be living in Washington much longer. My deadline to be gone is the first week of October. I know I've wanted to move for way too long now and the more I push back days, weeks, months.. before I know it another year has gone by. I very strongly know that I don't want another winter here.
I've felt strongly called to leave washington numerous times and I am good at blocking that out due to various different distractions but I don't want to keep ending up in this space of it feeling wrong to still be here.
I love my friends here more then they know.
I love my family here very deeply.
But it's ok to leave.
I'm moving back to california.
I can't explain the peace and excitement I have about doing so.
I've wanted to be closer to my brother for too long now and the time has come.
Many people I have personally told have solitified the fact that I need to move. It's like they saw something I've been supressing or just knew, and in that I felt much relief.
The exact week I move will depend on a job.
I have a phone interview this week -we'll see.
My boss wants to transfer me but there are no locations near where I'm going so he is going to write a recommendation letter for me and support the route I take. That was extremely relieving.
I've been putting a lot of time into finding a job I'll feel right about and also my art.
I want to go down there ready for art.

Since I've made this decision - or stopped being in denial about it - I felt alive again. So excited and motivated it's like I can't sit for a second because there's too much I'm dreaming about right now. I'm so excited to see where this path takes me.
and yes .. i will be sad to leave my loved ones
but this is the right thing.

I'll always... .. ..

"You don't have a family..."
is what was said to me last night.
before i could fully process the implication of what was said tears were falling out of my eyes. No one's ever said that to me. Especially no one who knows my sad, broken, crazy family dynamics.
Yeah they apologized but sometimes sorry doesn't take away what was said.
I'm still upset that was said to me but I am trying to have grace about it. Time will pass and time is good that way.

Today was a better day than that. I finally went into work today (after practically working from home this week and last week wasn't at work at all). I was sitting at the middle table in my classroom talking with the other teacher when the kids started to flood in. I turned around and the excited expression on their faces to see me was absolutely priceless. I recieved hugs left and right. I truly felt loved and realized how much I do care about these kids. The day proceeded with me working with few students putting the yearbook together! All day long. I am also the school's artist so I get all of the "artsy" projects which is great because I always have work and extra work!
At the end of the day my boss asked me for advice about some serious stuff. I must say that made me feel quite special considering I am him employee and I usually go to him for stuff. I'm just thankful to have a boss that respects me so much. My review was tuesday and he told me that I am one of the best employees, he has nothing bad to say about my work, and that the company is more than blessed to have me as an employee.
WoW.
I've never heard that from a company before. Pretty neato.
Well tonight is my nephew's birthday party. He turns 15 tomorrow. Weird. So BBQ tonight and tomorrow we are going on the boat!! Excited!

my hearts in a suitcase.

home again. .. . or ?
not that I don't like the house i live in and definitely not that i don't LOVE my friends and family.. . . but this place i have inhabited over the past few years feels so wrong to call home.
i remember moving to washington. one car load and excited to live with my sis for a season, to help with my grandma, to see friends.. but never to be permanent.
my stay seems to feel too long although i wouldn't know amazing friends dear to my heart such as Bethany or Chloe and that i am forever grateful.
it feels dumb to say that i couldn't make this place home but i now think it's ok.
i remember a year after being here i had two weeks before i was out the door and back to cali and i let stuff get in the way.. stop my travels.. trick my heart.
i was told i was a runner and i believed those words. but as time has come and gone i disagree. you're wrong. i'm not a runner.
i'm adventurous.
i like .. wait .. LOVE new things.
i like the freshness of a new place.
i like meeting people.
sharing life.
i like culture.
i LOVE the beach.
i love sunsets.
i love it when the beach meets cliffs and mountains are closeby.
i like skateboarding on dry land.
i like knowing that it won't rain for the next 5 months.
and be dark all day.

uneasyness hung in my heart like a rock while i sat in the airport last night.
getting on the plane was saddening.. knowing i'd be back where my heart's never settled.. never taken seed.
it felt wrong to come back.
it seemed as though i was leaving home and being forced to go somewhere i never wanted to go.
and yes it was so great to spend the morning with my sister and see the family i live with because i do love these people. a lot.
and to hear my sister express how much she doesn't want to be here hurts because she can't go. she's here.
but i'm going.
leaving on a jetplane don't know when i'll be back again.

I caught this crappy sore throat, headache, earbusting, small fever sickness and hardly did anything monday and tuesday. I stayed home today as well to "recover" plus it's only a half day at school anyways.
So tomorrow is my only day of work this week. Then I leave for cali fri morning.
I am feeling better today-- I actually think my body is sick of laying around. The last time I had something that knocked me to my ass was last summer the last week in july. What's up with these weird summer illness'?
I'm pretty sure the stress of last week at work and the fact that an incident with a kid threw a couple of my ribs out pretty much put me in due time for sick. It was nice to stay home these past days.
I watched Shutter Island. Man o man I could watch Leonardo all day long. Ever since I can remember he's been my favorite. I mean probably before Gilbert Grape. I did like the movie. Everyone who knows me said I wouldn't like it and it's too freaky.. well... you're all wrong. Thank you for your wrong opinion.

It's sunny out already and it's noon. It hasn't been getting sunny this early but it still looks like there is a haze.
I can't even stress how over the weather I am. So over. done with clouds, done with rain. The only time clouds are cool is during the sunset.
I'm just sick of washington weather. It's been too long.

well i'm off to go outside and draw, read, possibly sleep and enjoy the sun.

"personal day"

Hello friday. thanks for giving me the day off.
Actually my ribs were knocked out of place while at work and the fact that I couldn't take deep breaths or sleep all week from it was killing me. So i went to the chiropracter last night and that helped but she sent me to a different one and I went again today. He completely beat me up (in a good way) and put everything back in place. Now I just have a very swollen muscle/joint on my rib and hopefully ice will kick it to the curb.
My boss was awesome about me taking the day and I get paid for sick! YaHoo!!!

I hate being torn. I feel like I'm always torn. I wish I could take my loved ones from here and mesh it with the beach life of california. People here seem to not know what its like to have a beach life so I feel dumb trying to explain it. I really did grow up with a hippy mom, a brother that only surfed and across from the beach. All we did was live the beach life.

well I'm wasting time that I could be doing art so now I must put this aside and do art.
So far I have added to my etsy site. Joined a site where business' can find artists to hang their art =D. And now I will update my website =D. Oh ya!

it's not about you.

I'm eating ice cream. I very rarely eat ice cream. I usually go for cookies or dark chocolate but ice cream magically appeared in the freezer =).
Work has been causing an enormous amount of anxiety in me. I can honestly say that I fear some of the students in my class. Not only is this my first experience working with crisis intervention amongst mentally ill children, but I was placed in the largest, most volotile class in the whole school. I've had numerous things thrown at me leaving bruises and such. I've been kicked and hit. And mostly I've been yelled at and cursed at... and a lot of times its things I have never ever thought about saying or thought could be said. I've been beating myself up over my fear and lack of confidence but no matter what I try I have not overcome it so I finally told my boss, who is the greatest boss I could ask for... literally! He was an amazing listener, completely understood, and instantly took action. So after summer quarter I will now be teaching in the elementary class. I will probably continue to teach art in the class I'm in now but a permanent switch is happening. That is 3.5 weeks from now. I feel very relieved.

We can always wish for things to be different, be new, or be changed. And sometimes the grass is greener but with most things, watering the grass you stand on is the best choice.

There are many times I can close my eyes and picture the sunsets I used to watch every evening and remember how precious those dates were with God and that someday I will have those dates again the way they used to be.. so sweet as the sky was painted until the stars lit the sky... and so quiet that my thoughts never overwhelmed me and I always walked away with more.

I wish I had found that here.. . but I've lost it.

whataday

I like it when I can accomplish a lot in a day and not feel completely worn out at the end but still have energy to keep going.
Today I worked, took the kids to the art museum + walked around downtown tacoma, went to the foot doctor, went on a jog, did an ab work out, showered, sketched on a canvas then started to charcoal it in, went to the tempest for open mic, now at home and in ten minutes I will be doing more art and following that I will read. HA. full day and still energy to go.

Today the one girl in my class said to me "Miss Chelsea I'm pretty sure the whole time I've known you you've only wore pants once.. what's up with that?"
all I could do was laugh because I wear jeans every friday but rotate skirts every other of the week. She's far from a girly girl.
Kids say the funniest things and I definitely keep track of their funny comments. =D

thats all for today.
good night moon.

changed by You.

I act like I've never had a dad and a lot of time I feel like I never did.
Then there are days when I miss him greatly. I think about him every day.. some days more depending on the events.
..I wish I understood why. And I'm torn about the story that follows. I'm not sure if I fully am thankful for the storm that occured after he left. I know it's made me who I am. I know I wouldn't be where I am if it never happened. But I can never say I'm glad it happened.. because I'm far from that feeling or truth inside me.

The memories of losing you .. you're like a ghost..
... I wish you were listening..
... I wish you were listening..
To get through it.. to get through it..

There is so much to mend with my mom. So much to forgive that I don't feel she deserves. I know that is wrong. If God can forgive me for all and all to come and I am far from deserving.. why can I not do the same if I am striving for who He is?
So many walls are up.
I need to start with sincere prayer.. but I'm scared to. Honestly.. I'm scared of what God will ask of me. But at the same time I know it won't be more than I can handle.
I never want it to be too late...

On a lighter note.. tomorrow is my friday and we are taking a field trip to the art museum. Secretly.. I'm probably the most excited about it.
The week after next is art week and today I began planning the projects. I'm excited to be able to hang their creations throughout the halls of school!

I'm doing two tattoos tomorrow.
The weekend is still unplanned but I'm happy its here.

A focus of my heart needs to be more drenched in disciplines I've been lazy about. I can't seem to do what I want but continue to take the lazy way.. pppfftt.

...and I am changed by You.. the more I get to know You..

smile for you now.

I'll smile for you now..
cuz your sad..
and I'm not allowed to be sad.
I'll make a joke for you now..
make you smile..
but I'm not allowed to be sad.
I'll burn for you now..
cuz you're mine..
and you're not allowed to feel nothing.
Careful now..
I may fall apart for you now..
make you cry..
but I'm not allowed to be sad.
-Copeland.

More often than not I wish I had to ability to write as beautifully as songwriters. So many songs make my heart smile.
I entered in three drawings tonight for a t-shirt company that only buys designs from real artists. They buy designs for 1,000$ each. I hope mine moves forward.

I've slept like crap since friday and I'm still surviving. I did pass out nicely in the sun today which helped me feel a lot better. Thanks sun.. for coming out today.. i really lost hope in you this morning.

My job is very much amazing but very much wearing on me and all I can say is that I am so thankful that it has shown me the real path I want to go down. It narrowed the million things that I desire to do. I still want to do those million things but now they will remain hobbies which is great with me!

I won't be at work on friday so I am now doing 2 tattoos and am very excited about it. I really do love skin as a medium.. it's so different and unique from anything else and itself. I just don't like the industry and do not want to continue in it.

My heart is the craziest mixture of sad and happy ; confused and directed. I don't really know what to do. Tonight I gave advice to my lovely friend jen and I said "throw your hands up to God because we tend to take the first opportunity when faith is slipping. His timing is always last minute to us."
Now.. as I process that conversation I see how much that advice needs to turn around and come to me as well.
I like this place I'm in a lot more than I liked this past year. I am so thankful for that.. and it can only get better cuz I won't be here forever.

I've had a lame form of artist's block. It's like a fear block. Scared to dig in and paint. I now itch to paint and tomorrow will hopefully be the day that I do it.. like paint my own stuff.. not all these crazy amounts of murals I've been painting.


... you've gotta believe .. this heart will be for you ...